I still remember the sunset from which your hair blew my way. The way how you slowly gazed at me, how your voiced sounded sweet when you called me from afar… I can still remember that time, that moment we’ve spent together. That special day, embedded in my memory. The long walks along that solitary boulevard. The way the sun reflected your long, elegant hair. I remember the feeling, how the day went on and how it ended. For it was the first valentine that I’ve spent with you… sadly it was the last time too. That special moment turned into bits and fragments of my own memory. I guess this really was our last valentine together.

I try to look back and remember. My eyes closing, from the pain that was inflicted so long ago.

I still ponder the events of that date, February 14. It was Valentine’s Day. 5 pm and I was late. The sun was almost setting as the crimson skies started gathering over the horizon. Dark nimbus clouds were hovering on the solitary boulevard at the bay. I saw you standing, looking towards the crimson sight. I saw your silhouette from a distance. My heart started to leap.   

You were all alone.

“Kasumi…” I sighed.

You just stood there in a reflective state. There were several other couples around that were being sweet and proceeded to cuddle one another, but you remained firm. You were apathetic. You didn’t give a care in the world with what other people were doing. You just placed yourself in your own little world. However, your eyes looked sad whenever I saw you sigh from time to time.  I guess you really were waiting for me.

The sun was almost down. It was 5:28 P.M.

I quickened my pace. I hurried over to where you were. You’re image grew with every step I took. I was beginning to see you more clearly. You were wearing a long black dress while sporting a red headband. The heels you had on were also clad with scarlet designs. You were into the whole red and black combination.

I remembered the color black had always highlighted your petite figure and your silky white skin. The color red has always made you look like an innocent young girl like that of Little Red Riding Hood. Your hair was always so smooth that it would always shine whenever I touch it. You were really an angel. That’s why I was attracted to you in the first place. You always knew how to make my heart leap.

The clouds started to hover over the setting sun. The atmosphere was getting darker every second. It was almost night time.

I remembered the reason why we were supposed to meet that day. Not only was it Valentines, but you said that you wanted to talk. I had a gut feeling. I knew from the very beginning that it was going to be a serious one.

I didn’t have any roses or chocolates with me. In fact I didn’t bring anything. I knew that it was not a typical Valentine’s Day where couples would go lovey dovey on each other. Plus, I’ve always known that you were never into that mushy, cheesy stuff. But I’ve always wondered why you didn’t mind my sappy romantic side.

And then I arrived.

It was 5:32 P.M.

You stared at me with that serious look. I knew in an instant that you were aggravated. You just stood your ground. I could still remember those exact, same words you’ve uttered.

“You’re late…”

“Yeah, I know… sorry.” I said, while trying to look at you.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

You refused to look my way then. Your arms were crossed. You turned your head over the bay with your head held high. Slowly, I approached. Little by little I walked towards where you were standing. My heart was beating every little time. I could still smell the scent you had on that day. It was a cherry-like aroma. You’ve always like that smell.

I remembered you telling me that the cherry blossom means sakura in Japanese and that you’ve always enjoyed watching them bloom every spring back in your hometown. You told me stories of how Sapporo looked, like how there was a park with hundreds of cherry blossom trees line up. You always had the glow in your eyes when you were describing me how they’d bloom. The way you described them was always poetic. There’d always be a haiku here and there whenever you’d share your memories of how those trees bloom. I’ve always found that adorable.

I steadily attempted to wrap my arms around your warm, frail body.

“Come on…” I whispered.

“Don’t come on me. I know you! Why the hell are you acting weird all of a sudden?”

You freed yourself from my truss.

“Yeah, well I’ve been thinking you know.”

“Thinking about what?”

I stared at you with a calm expression.

“Well, it’s about how your dad doesn’t want us to be together anymore… about you going back to Japan… So I just wondered. You know me. I always think.”

“Wondered what? It’s still not 100% sure! For all we know, I’m going to stay here and be with you forever.”…

You suddenly started crying.

“Hey, just calm down… I’m right here, like always.” I exclaimed.

You stared groggily afterwards. Things didn’t look good. The radiant light from the setting sun only highlighted the sadness on your face. You were crying. Your black dress was becoming moist from all her crying. I could barely recognize the floral patterns on her handkerchief. You were sobbing harder every second. Your face was filled with distraught. I couldn’t stand to see you that way. The very image melted my heart. How could it not?

“Hey Kas, I…” I said, in a low tone.

You leaned your head downwards and started walking towards where I was,

The closer you got the faster you were talking. You ran towards me and grabbed on to my body tight. You tapped my chest with your little right hand. You were crying, precariously. I hugged back. My arms where wrap around your warm body; holding you tight. I was trying not to let go of my grasp. I could barely hold you. My heart was disheartened at the sight of you crying your eyes out.

We used to do this all time every time we meet .We didn’t give a care in the world whenever we hug in public. I found that sweet and a bit romantic… although sometimes I can hear people whispering “…go get a room” whenever we wrap our arms together in the open. I knew that you weren’t into the touchy feely thing, but you didn’t seem to mind when it was with me. I guess you really loved me back then. It would always turn out fine in the end whenever the tension was high. But not now, I knew that this was not your ordinary get together.

And it lasted for a long while. It was 5:49 P.M.

We just stood there alone, along the solitary boulevard of a hollow bay. The sun was setting down the horizon, while the stars were appearing in the dreary night sky. I never let go of my hold, and neither did you. We were at each other’s grasp. I guess we were in our own little world back then. But I was still troubled. Even though my arms where wrap around you, even though I could still smell your sweet scent, see the glow of your hair… it still felt like I was losing you. Not at that exact moment, but eventually. I could feel you slowly slipping away.

At first you were quiet, but gradually you started talking again.

“You know… I wish we could stay like this… forever”. You remarked, with your head resting on my chest.

“That’s so cliché, Kas. You can do better than that.” I joked.

You grinned. There was a faint glow in your eyes.

“Screw you, Matt! Why do you always have to ruin the moment?”

“I guess it was never ours to begin with eh?” I said, with a beam on my face.

Suddenly, you stomped my foot with your left shoe.

“Ouch!”

We used to fool around a lot back then. We’d exchanged sarcastic remarks at each other with the way we looked, act and thought. You’d always say that I was corny and I’d reply back of how much of a hypocrite you were every time you said it. I was hugging you the all time while you were uttering those words. You should have let go that time… but you never did. We’d always been at each other’s throats. I’ve always thought that normally, people would get away from these kinds of relationships… but that notion only made us closer. We grew to appreciate each other with every contradiction we make. I guess that’s how love works for us. It was always bittersweet.

A smirked gradually showed up on your face. I smiled back… but I could still see tears flowing from your eyes. Your pupils were red. Your lips were trembling. There was no change in the expression of your face. It was disheartening once more.

I steadily looked down and started to stare at the filthy pavement. The very image of you crying your heart out destroyed me. It broke my heart.

So I started thinking.

I said to myself, “What if I let go now? I’m sure you’d be hurt… but I think it’s for the best. I’m in no position to have you runaway with me. What life can I possibly give?”

I tried using my head for once. I only want what’s best for you.  I’ve thought of what would be the better choice in the long run. So I made my decision.

It was 6:05 P.M.

I stared at you directly, focusing my glance at your watery gaze.

“You know, Kas… I think it would be best if we end things right now.” I said.

I could never forget your face. You were stunned. Your eyes glared at me with an intense fury.

“Why?! How could you say that?! Don’t you love me?! Will you not even fight?!!” You yelled.

I was thrown about… but still, I stood my ground. Why? Because I loved you… and it’s because I was a weak bastard then. Although in time I’ve come to realized that I had made the right choice… but not at that moment it wasn’t.

“Hey Kas, think this through. We’re barely old enough to live on our own much less start a family together?”  I exclaimed. Yeah, I know… what a stupid thing to say.

“You asshole! I love you! And this is what you have to say?!” You exclaimed once more. Your face now turned red, your right fist was shaking. Tears where still dripping down from your face… and then, that fateful thing happened…

You slapped me, hard with your right palm. It hit me on my left cheek. I was thrown aback. I could only stand and see your face turn fuming.

“I love you!” you cried out.

It was 6:13 P.M.

I remember you weeping heavily after that moment. Little by little you turned your back on me and started running away. I tried chasing after you, but what was awaiting me was unavoidable… another slap in the face. I felt your pain as it landed on my cheek. It felt of regret and sorrow. You threw your angst at my presence. The dimness of the air only held back the image that was on your face. You were devastated.

Then you halted and proceeded to glare at me. I stopped too, keeping my distance.

You were heaving.

“If you really love me then please… just let me be.” you said, with your face looking distraught.

“But Kasumi, I…”

You looked at me straight in the eye after that. That gaze immobilized me. You always had that focused stare in your eyes.

I remember you having a strong, focused stare the first time I saw you. I couldn’t move an inch the moment you laid your eyes on me. My heart would often melt whenever you’d glance my way. I was always at awe at your headstrong personality. You always had heart. You’d give it your all in every situation you went through. Every time we talked you’d always used that line “it’s now or never…” I guess that’s why I didn’t have second thoughts falling for you... It was now or never.

I couldn’t budge.

“No buts, please… please let me be.” You said, in a low tone.

I just stood there. I nodded hesitantly.

“I love you…” you said one last time.

And I couldn’t move.

Before I could even say something you began to dart off to the other side of the boulevard. My heart stopped, I was just standing there. Little by little I saw your silhouette fading into the dark, dim night. You left me all alone in that solitary boulevard… but I did not run after you. I knew that you had made your choice that time too. So I decided to just stop there and then.

My heart broke into pieces.

I looked down, again on that hollow pavement. My fists were clenched and I was breathing heavily. The winds were whispering me thoughts of you… of how you ran, how you faded into the lone boulevard. The pain in my heart shriveled up all the will I had left at that time. I felt so hopeless. I was distraught. Then, I started closing my eyes and gradually… I was crying.

I cried real tears that time.

It was night. The sun was nowhere to be seen and darkness was the only thing that surrounded the boulevard predominantly. The air was silent with every breeze that came through my way. The only company I had that time was the lone lamp post that I hang on to when I can barely stand up. I had no will back then. I was all alone.

It was 6:17 P.M.

“…I love you too.” I whispered.

You didn’t hear it. I couldn’t say it to you for the final time. I felt my heart broke into pieces once more. Even though I thought that what I did at that moment was the best thing for you, I still felt like I was the one who screwed up badly. I didn’t get to say you how I feel one last time.

It was my first and last Valentine with you… and yet I didn’t even get to tell you how I felt. That memory was forever engraved in my heart. I felt a loud pound from the left side of my chest area. I was sobbing. My heart broke a third tine.

It was 6:30 P.M.

And months have passed.

I went back to the same solitary boulevard that was overlooking the sunset. I just stood there all alone thinking… thinking about you. I know in my heart that what I did was for your own good. But still, I felt devastated of what I had done. I loved you… and yet I let you go. I even broke your heart.

I could only imagine the way you looked back then. You were wearing that long black dress while I was caressing your smooth long hair. I would look at you straight in the eye while my arms were wrapped around your warm body. I loved you... and I never took the chance to say that one last time.

The day you said yes to me was one of the happiest days of my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that you’d fall for someone like me. I never had anything special. The only thing I could give you was my heart, and yet you gave me yours as well. I never really knew what you saw in me, but I guess there was something… You have always believed in me.

“Kas…” I whispered.

The air was silent. There was no reply.

The still wind only aggravated the mood as it breezed through my face. I was still depressed. My heart was still broken. I gradually looked down on the pavement and started closing my eyes. I’ve realized that I lost you forever. I can never have you back.

You were gone.